friday advice

Have a spectacular weekend - and watch your bottoms! I have heard rumors they are fragile and may chip easily *winks*

tattoo-ing

I am so undecided....

Do I like them? yes.... On me? not so sure.

Some people have amazing tattoo's. There are meaning behind them, they represent something that person stands for - which is great.... Some people have them as a memory or tribute to loved ones lost along the way, which I love. Some people just look stupid though, and that scares me (check some scary examples here) Then there's deciding what you want - where you want it - how big you want it? So many choices - and what guarantee do you have that the artist who does it isn't going to mess it up?

I think I'll think some more...

random

my hearts desires

- paint more
-complain less
- trust more
-frown less
- buy more flowers
-drink more wine
- watch the world turn
-write
- do laundry more regularly so I can take time folding my socks right
-take more photo's
- see more people
-paint a wall black and buy some chalk
- frame the people I love so I can see them every day
-procrastinate less

it's going to be okay

It really will.

I've been drowning myself in self torturous hate and pity the last week. It's really not getting me anywhere. Life is carrying on, life doesn't care that I'm throwing emotional temper tantrums. One day you have to look out the window instead of in the mirror. Breathe in the fresh air instead of tear stained cheeks. So what if life isn't perfect? Is anyone's? Human beings have a strange yet wonderful instinct to survive, no matter how deep you are submerged in darkness there is always a part of you that wants to hold onto the light, its human nature. So while I frantically try to find the direction commonly known as up, a small part of me is comforted by the fact that no matter what path life leads me down, I will be okay - and I will survive - and I will find happiness if I follow my hearts desires.

baby steps. :D

icecream with 1 ingredient

mmm banana's :)
click here for the how to...

sounds lovely - and its vegan!

round 2

"but yea then she asked where I live
as she forgot
and I said well South Africa
and she was kinda surprised... lol
but then she asks me
"Do you need to be black to live in SA...?"
I just replied
ROFL
and said no...
Well I'm white and I'm here "
vindi

my daily giggle

"oh...
yea no thx
I don't really want that common shit on physical media
^^ "
vindi

heart ache heart break

Anyone want my heart?

Just take it away so I don't have to deal with anything anymore. I'm so full of pain and confusion that its just becoming hate. I hate feeling like this - and I know I'm the only one that can change it. I just have no idea how. Nothing makes sense, everything seems like its the wrong choice.

In my head my choices are different and I see flashes of a future and life so contrasting to the one I lead now. The me in my head is so much stronger than I am.

song love

White lion – till death do us part

As we walk the golden mile

Down the pretty aisle

I know that you are mine

And there’s nothing in this world

That I know I wouldn’t do

To be near you every day

Every hour, every minute

Take my hand

And let me lead the way

All through your life

I’ll be by your side

Till death do us part

Baby I’ll be your friend

My love will never end

Till death do us part

When I wake up every day

With you lying in my arms

I wonder if I’m dreaming

When I look into your eyes

I just can’t believe it’s true

That my heart belongs to you

Baby we can have it all

Girl, Take my hand

And let me lead the way

All through your life

I’ll be by your side

Till death do us part

Baby I’ll be your friend

My love will never end

Till death do us part

There’ll be good times

And there’ll be bad

But I’ll stand beside you

Woman, All the way

And through the years

As life will put us through

When snow will fall on winter nights

I’ll keep you warm inside

All through your life

I’ll be by your side

Till death do us part

I’ll be your friend

My love will never end

Till death do us part

pixelworld

hello sweet violet drake - how i adore your glorious 310% wings :D

(safi the angel sends hora the hsr her love and hello's and hugs and happy thoughts!)

rambling

never jump to conclusions
never make assumptions
never take information as fact until it's been proven

everyone deserves a voice.

random

Our Connection is Over

Our Connection is Over

---

Date: 2009-12-09, 3:11AM MST

---

I post this to an open forum, to purge these words from me so they can exist somewhere concrete, out in the Universe, instead of eating away at the corner of my mind when it gets dark and everyone else goes home with whoever they're loving or fucking or both if they're lucky. But it's winter now, so the season of long patio nights and random hookups and breathlessly exciting flings and sweaty sheets and sleepless nights has officially come to a close until the next turn of the seasons. In short, I can no longer distract myself from your absence.

You were my best friend. There were others before, and others after, but most of them only served to help me situate and recognize your importance in my life. If ever I get that close to another, I fear they will know me only as I am now, and not as how I got here. You have been my reflection, borne witness to me, helped me gauge my own growth in this long and convoluted life. Four different cities for you, two for me. Two countries on opposite sides of the world in different hemispheres. Plane tickets, train rides, international calling plans, endless conversation, anticipation, disappointment, breakups, makeups, death. Four years. My entire University career. I am indelibly marked with your presence.

And now nothing. I felt no more fireworks when we kissed. I pulled away, sickened with myself for trying to fake it. I couldn't fuck you like I meant it anymore. You noticed. You left.

And now, I am not lost. I am not sad and I am not afraid. But something has died. I do not love, or laugh, or notice color. I hate the music you like now. I hate myself for not loving you enough. You did nothing wrong, except maybe love me too much, too well. Even at the end, when our hearts were so twisted up we were spitting words unrecognizable to each other, even then you were too good to say what we were both thinking- that I won't find anyone else who loved me as you did. And you're right. Because the kind of love I had with you, the one that remakes your soul into something better, and forces you to recognize and honor the humanity in another person- that kind of love isn't what I'm looking for. I'm going for the cheap ones now. The guys with square jaws and big arms and small brains. They haven't read any philosophy, or possess the gift of playful banter, or looked me in the eyes and focused on my soul. I am not doing Us justice. I am taking the easy way. I am disgusting myself.

This is what's meant by falling out of love with someone. This is why half the world walks around heartbroken, glazed over, given up. I almost put that ring on and pretended everything was ok, but you didn't smell right anymore.

What Now.

((found here))

its all you.

you want me.
i want you.
you want me to live with my choices.
i beg and plead for you to stay, but you leave.

gone.

and what am i supposed to do? what more is there for me to do?
nothing i can do or say will change anything. so i

delete your mails
delete your pictures
delete my facebook
delete you off msn

it's what you wanted. i'm just doing what i can to make it easier for you.

ruby red

Sometimes heartache is so intense that it’s not enough just to feel internally

Sometimes we need something of a more physical nature to really understand it, to control it.

Pick up a blade, feel the cool smooth surface as you hold it in your hands. It’s strangely soothing as you let the violent edge glide over your skin, wondering where to make your mark

In quiet contemplation you wonder how deep that first cut will be – how pale smooth skin will become ravaged ruby red… how many incisions will it take for your heart to heal?

humble truths

from here

smile - its monday

pop can genie! :D