fabuliss friday

These weeks are flying by! Hopefully this weekend will drag out a bit, I feel the need for a long one! :)

I'm happy to announce that winter is finally making its way to South Africa! I am wearing a jacket and a scarf indoors - Yay! Hot Chocolate is definitely going on this week's shopping list ;)

And seeing as tomorrow is the 10th.... my darling friend - I love you ridiculously and I hope you have a splendid tea party tomorrow for your birthday!!! You mean the world to me and more - beautiful thing!!!!

Something random - sleep is important, it helps you to function properly and does wonders for the brain. People should really make sure they get enough, despite what your mind tells you :D

Have a super weekend!

cool site

this is my favourite pic - but check out the rest here

something random

Hey Lover

It seems our long drawn out saga is at an end. Now comes the part where we work on being friends. Yes, we were friends before. Great friends. The kind you keep for a lifetime. But now we are both with other people. I can't speak for you, but I am in love. Deeply. To the point where I look in his eyes, and I go a little mad. I get lost in them. That's never happened before. But that is neither here nor there, is it? What I'm trying to say is this: for a long time, we were available to each other. It didn't matter whether we took advantage of that or not. It was enough just to have that on the back burner, simmering. At times it actually boiled over. But not often enough to make a change. Not often enough to be called anything concrete.

"I think I may have been wrong about us."

You almost had me with that. Almost. It was a vindication of all the time I had spent loving you. But by then, I knew I was in love with someone else. I had pushed it down, but as I did so, it kicked and screamed and scratched my hands. That feeling. I pushed it away. I drank of you, my old lover, to sate my thirst for him.

He is everything I want, everything I need. He is the first thing I think of when I wake, and the last thing I think of before I fall asleep. I know it is the same with him. It is true that best friends make the best loves. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is kind, and considerate. We treat each other like royalty, though the riches we have are far from material.

That is not to say that there was nothing between you and I. There was love, trust, friendship. The same likes, the same dislikes. The same love of literature. For me, there was your mind. It always blew me away. When we first met, there were times when I wanted to crack it open and suck it up like an oyster. Consume your thoughts. They were like mine, but more articulate and formed more brilliantly. I almost thought they were a food that I could actually live on. But later, there was hurt. So how could I even consider you when I knew I would always, deep down, be afraid of your ability to hurt me again? I couldn't.

When he kissed me, and told me that he loved me, that he needed me, I knew you didn't stand a chance. All the chances I had given you to be with me no longer mattered. The old feeling had died. It had been a difficult task, but time was my accomplice, and together we murdered the love I had borne, as heavy as the world, on my back. But the hurt lingered... the way you treated me, all the unkind things you said, and even worse, the kind things you said, all rolled up and compressed and weighing at the back of my head. It took longer to get over that. But he helped. He thinks I am beautiful. He says it, over and over, unsolicited. You never did. You paid me plenty of compliments, sure, but never that one. And he loves me. He sees me the way you never could.

There is a part of me that you have that I can never get back. Whether you wanted it or not is moot. It will always love you. And there is a part of me that will always wonder what would have happened if I had taken that chance and moved to ******* with you. And it is this part of me that finds itself a little sad and jealous of your newfound love. But I am also happy for you. It is something I have hoped for. I have wanted nothing for you but your happiness, these past few years. I have worried about you. So I am glad you have found someone, finally. And I truly wish you the best.

I knew this day would come. The day when we would close the book on our strange affair and try to write a new one. One based solely on friendship and hopefully without the complications of attraction and jealousy. I know it will be a hard book to write, but in the end, I believe it will be our masterpiece.

I found it here

i love this!

love this pic :) from here

lovers

my special little retard lol :)

rambling

I've been wondering lately... is it even what he wants?

I've been in my own world, doing what I think is right, shutting out feelings and focusing on others and trying to get life to a state of normalcy. But am I fighting a losing battle? Am I just dragging things out?

I'm such a terrible person in some ways - so whining and controlling, I complain all the time about every little thing... but is it because I like to, or because i just feel like I'm the minority and I need to feel like I'm a bigger part of things? Maybe its all psychological?

I ask too many questions, and I tell people too much. On reflection, I really should just listen to what other people need, instead of doing everything I can to get what I need. I never denied I was selfish, not once, but that doesn't make things easier does it...

tell me what you want, tell me what you need, please ...