blah blah blah

well dad is doing better so that's good news. But I'm finding the solitude too much to bear. I've cleaned up as much as I can, fed him and watered him and made sure he's taken his tablets... but now I just feel so lonely. I seem to have chased away the 1 person who could make me feel better right now and I have no idea why. I'm a little cold and a little empty and I'm not really sure why I feel this way... oh well I'll just take my mind off it and distract myself. I'm really not whats important here - dad is and he's getting better :D

awwww

love this pic

song love

John Mayer - Your body is a wonderland

We got the afternoon

You got this room for two

One thing I’ve left to do

Discover me

Discovering you

One mile to every inch of

Your skin like porcelain

One pair of candy lips and

Your bubblegum tongue

And if you want love

we’ll make it

swim in a deep sea

of blankets

take all your big plans

and break ‘em

this is bound to be a while

your body is a wonderland

your body is a wonder (I’ll use my hands)

your body is a wonderland

something ‘bout the way your hair falls in your face

I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase

You tell me where to go and

Though I might leave to find it

I’ll never let your head hit the bed

Without my hand behind it

You want love?

We’ll make it

Swim in a deep sea

Of blankets

Take all your big plans

And break ‘em

This is bound to be a while

your body is a wonderland

your body is a wonder (I’ll use my hands)

your body is a wonderland

damn baby

you frustrate me

I know you’re mine all mine all mine

But you look so good it hurts sometimes

your body is a wonderland

I need a good cuddle sesh... no series or movies or anything on in the background. Just a lovely lazy-on-the-couch-cuddle sesh. The kind when you first meet someone and their body is still new and undiscovered... all that matters are body warmth and heart beats... that is what I want.

more old thoughts...

you know what - its not a choice between you and him. its a choice between 10% with him or 100% without him. that is the choice i have to make. and who's to say that me without him is what you want. who's to say i can ever have you? who's to say i can be everything you deserve and more. for something that shouldn't be about you, i can hardly separate you from it. what type of person does that make me? how pathetic does that make me?

another you

Isn't it weird how the people who have the ability to make us the happiest just end up breaking our hearts? Someone you feel you can relate to more than anyone, you love their company, their humour, their phone calls, their silence, their smile but most of all: their imperfections. You put so much energy into that one person, without even realising it, you centre life around them. Everything goes so well, life seems to rock and you just don't care about anything, as long as your someone is there... then you wake up. You wake up to the imperfections. It hurts. It hurts more and more every day. People die and you miss them, but when people just slip away they are still there, they just didn't choose you. Your life ends. You cant get up and carry on. You have to rebuild it all - become another you.

for shan

Every song I begin to sing
Brings me back to you
Every star set in the sky
Reminds me of you too

Not a single day goes by
When I don't wonder where you are
So I go outside, to the night sky
And search for you in the stars

I feel some kind of comfort
Knowing that somewhere you live on
But my heart still aches, all the time
Knowing that for now, you're gone

i remember

The first time I met you
I wanted to meet more
The first time I hugged you
I started to adore
The first time I held your hand
I didn't want to let go
The first time I kissed you
Passion started to grow

The last time I hugged you
The passion wasn't there
The last time I held your hand
Well, you couldn't care
The last time I kissed you
It all seemed so fake
Now when I see you
All I feel is heartache

from another place and time

Hmmm, as I sit here and type I think about life and how much I hate it right now. There are so many superficial people in this world, it makes getting to know someone impossible and then if you are lucky enough to penetrate ones surface, how long will that person be the person you know?

" I'm trying to be so perfect cause i know you're worth it "

It's kind of funny that we try so hard to please the people that ultimately cannot be pleased. Try to love the people that will not return the love. Be friends with the people that don't want or need our friendship. Is it really worth it? All the pain, heartache, disappointment?

" I know you're worth it "

That's the key. Knowing somebody is worth it. Then you will reach a point of loving selflessly, loving with the hope that one day that person will realise the way you are, think and act. And not only realise but understand. So what if the feelings are not reciprocated, you will know that person knows why. In life reason is everything. If people were honest about why they do the things they do, life would be so much easier.

old school

Life and love so easily said but life and love mix up your head. Somehow they both get you into bed and then your heart ends up better left for dead. People play you, corrupt you, betray you, back stab you, lie to you, don't care to cry for you - you think you know them but really you don't - give them a 2nd chance - forget it don't. It's not worth it for you, they'll fuck you over again. Cut them off now, cut off the pain. Don't let them control you and your life, you only live once you don't need the strife. So forget the people who caused the pain, all they are is a face without a name. You owe them nothing, nothing at all...